rationalizing the irrational

The Big Garments Sale:
Zara, Mango, Hollister, Von Dutch
Diesel, Anne Klein, Calliope,Just Jeans
Fox, Victorison, Martana, OMM,Umbro
and other top UK and US brands

for low factoy prices.
P500 and below!

10AM-6PM
July 09-13 at 4/F Vinzons Hall, University of the Philippines Diliman.

Forward inquires to Len:
alleniec@yahoo.com

Brought to you by the UP Debate Society and STAC

*Only cash will be accepted. ATM machines are available at the ground floor.

The Big Garments Sale:
Zara, Mango, Hollister, Von Dutch and other US and UK overruns
for low factoy prices.
P500 and below!

July 09-13 at Vinzons Hall, University of the Philippines Diliman.

Forward inquires to Len:
alleniec@yahoo.com

Brought to you by the UP Debate Society and STAC

if only starbucks management (and the rest of their client base) knew what it really meant.

i'm not pretending to be wise. i'm even running out of things to say. maybe i'm just tired ... or maybe i'm just trying to hang on to the memories ... or maybe i'm just trying to immortalize this feeling of having jumped into fresh water and feeling the combined thrill and fear of anticipating what has yet to come...

birthday greetings:

happy birthday EX. (23)
belated happy birthday abeng (18) :D wahihi this is late. i have been away from my online world since... well... a couple of weeks.


i wanna write more. but really, brain malfunction. happens so often nowadays. maybe i should put new (albert einstein-ish) brains on my christmas wishlist to santa.

good night world. rest well and enjoy the break...

waffaz ang effort pala mag-foot notes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*tumbling nalang ako.

been sitting here for the past... DAY.

tired... waiting for my salvation. it's not a friday for nothing :p

coffee keeps me up.

waffaz!

work again tmrw.

cebu cebu cebu. (wuhhhhhhhhhhhh i do hope i work things out with Morada. *fingers crossed*)

there are some things in life that you don't have to think about, yet you end up thinking bout them anyway.

claire's soundbytes:
"the night is for the lonely"

maybe it was last night, but it wasn't tonight...

coffee waaaaaaaaaaaayyyyy

i love the way debsoc is soooo noisy and carefree (more like, kawalan ng sense of others) and bitchy and grepa and "academic/intellectual" and fun

hahahahahaha

so yeahhh
<3

crisis....!!! i'm in that mode of picking up whatever pieces of myself that's been left after a horrible tropical storm. thing is, i don't even know where some (if not most) of these pieces are

i don't intend to be faux-profound /deep...

and it doesn't help to study all that ideas of Doxa and false consciousness/ideology. wuhhhhhhhhhh so apparently, who i think i am is merely an identification to some dominant world order, thank you very much.

i don't think i even feel anything anymore

and it's not fun.

i should get back to work. (i really like it, you know, whatever work that's waiting for me. but... it's just not enough and i have no idea what it takes to feel...... (in the vaguest sense) better )

maybe i should smoke first.

:-smy head feels fluffy light, but heavy. weird sort of dizziness.

and there's this feeling still in my stomach. it's not intolerable pain anymore. but it's there.

tired tired tired

this is the worst PMS of my life, i must say. (of course i would like to attribute all this shit to PMS, i'd rather not find out i'm dying of some weird disease)

btw made my first cut for the entire sem earlier... wuhhhhhhhh i hope this isn't any indicator of whatever horrible outcome this sem will have. must repeat mantra to self: "i control my own destiny"
----
hmmm as for destiny:

You are The Chariot

Triumph, Victory, Overcoming Obstacles.

The chariot is one of the most complex cards to define. On its most basic level, it implies war, a struggle, and an eventual, hard-won victory. Either over enemies, obstacles, nature, the beasts inside you, or to just get what you want. But there is a great deal more to it. The charioteer wears emblems of the sun, yet the sign behind this card is the moon. The chariot is all about motion, and yet it is often shown as stationary. It is a union of opposites, like the black and white steeds. They pull in different directions, but must be (and can be!) made to go together in one direction. Control is required over opposing emotions, wants, needs, people, circumstances; bring them together and give them a single direction, your direction. Confidence is also needed and, most especially, motivation. The card can, in fact, indicate new motivation or inspiration, which gets a stagnant situation moving again.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

this day can vie for "the worst day of my life" award.

imagine horrible PMS... sharp (never ending) abdominal pain due to my period. horrible....!!! and it was there for the better part of the day!

i had to suffer thru it thru polsci 180. as in. not to mention i seem to be stuck with my very un-pretty Understanding IR book (pirated version). yes. due to my impatience and temporary financial crisis, i decided to photocopy biboy's book. so there. and when i got it on saturday, good gahhhhhd. ang panget talaga. I'm sorrreeehhh i wasn't really the type that doesn't judge a book by it's cover. it's the same with guys, i wouldn't be caught dead on a date with an ugly one. wuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh and this book is the most horrible pirated job i've ever seen! imagine the cover that's weird and blotchy and not at all royal purple the way the original one was. not to mention that the binding part isn't at all inconspicuous. and that the inside is made of icky paper that has... well, little dots of whatever. and the lines!!! my gaaahhhhd!!! some of them are totally slanted one way or the other. and there are parts of the book where margins practically disappear in the middle you'd have to pry the book apart in order to see where the lines from the left page end and the lines from the right one starts. (haller manong photocopier! margins!!! haller talaga!!!) not to mention that the further reading boxes, very nice light greyish in the original ones, ended up being almost black boxes of ink in my pirated version!!!! wuhhhhhhhh so much for reading further!!! c'est terrible! yes, at this rate, i am actually compromising my polsci180 performance. all because of a botched up piracy initiative.


for sale! you want it?

biboy initially suggested i sell it to a non-picky/"all that matters is the content" kind of classmate that would love a cheap copy of Understanding IR. but so far, there haven't been any takers. (but then again, how do i effectively market something i totally dislike???)

so anyway, on with my PMS suffering, and into socio of globalization. i don't want to get into the details. but really... horrible emotionally resonating allegations against the tuition (fee) increase in UP, linking it with exploitation of the 3world and the RIGHT of every citizen to a tertiary educ. wuhhhhhhhhhhhhh

and so i thought PMS would pass. but no! enter casaa. icky sweetsie canoodling couples, on one table that claire and i decided to sit in front of. i swear i wanted to scream at them: "magbbreak din kayoooo!!!" not to mention it was so grepa that they were PDA-ing in cASAA, no less. ughhhh what's wrong with the woooorld???!?!?!?!?!

and so i run off to work..... and endure more of the pains. yes. and because i ate a lot at work, and drank too much caffeine (strong coffee- i finally learned how to use that machine- and pepsi) leaves me wide awake and in pain at 12:40ish in the morning. i have been trying to download/ search for all the FTAs that involve ASEAN and ASEAN memstates, but unfortunately, not all of them are available... (i do wonder how my "boss" will be able to read everything- text, annex and all- and then prepare a paper on it. wonderwoman i must say) and soooo while dial up is sooooooooooo slow (the horrendous drawback to a fast technologically improving world) i end up rewriting some of my notes... and trying to read thru 151.

yes i am afraid already. i have been getting bored in 151, for some reason. and i haven't been able to print all the slides yet. and am toooooo PMSy (and lazy) to really lug around a big stiglitz pub sector book in school.

gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhd

i am tired.

i want to sleep. but i'm not sleepy yet. gahhhd. i have an 8.30 class, with a very perky english ONE prof that has all the facial expressions and hand gestures of a pseudo-theater person. and yes, at 8:30 in the morning. (wuhhh and i haven't even done my english words diary. ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww)

i think i am starting to dislike this sem altogether!

i wrote a very long and fun entry about my week and my computer crashes just when i was about to post it.


and you know how it feels to have really thought about what you were going to post, and pouring your heart and soul, that no amount of rewriting and re-thinking will ever bring back that which was lost....? that's how i feel right now. it's sooo frustrating.

wuhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

for all the wonders of technology, really it can be very crappy.

wuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

oh but wait, this one is quite easy to share:
(from the fun saturday afternoon with joe, claire and blonde CHAD)





hehehe contest na to: comment with your own script/story line for this. most witty gets.... hehehe... exposure :p

the final weekend before second sem. apparently, classes don't start on the 13th, as i initially thought they would! akalain mo yun, 9 pala!!!
the grepas' chance with glitz and glam


claire's coming-of-age celebration was just great. beautiful(ly dressed and made up) people, good food, grand place. camwhoring. dancing. talk and talk and talk.
"bading!"
"ermengaaaarde!!!"
"i know riiight!"
"cheffaz!"
"iknowrmengaaarde!"
"so grepa!"
you'd think all of debsoc hasn't seen everyone else in 10 years, the way everyone practically jumped up and down when someone new waltzed into the room. yes, that's how deprived we all were of insanity and laughter, YM and chismis emails can never replace the happiness of being together as grepa and as loud as we could- and that was only the sembreak. kamusta naman, most of us were even in NDC together! (meaning the least time apart spent was... give or take a few days, one week) ahlavet! (wuhhhh, i'm sorreeeehhhh WE'RE not borinnnnggggg!) and of course, the star of the night was indeed very much the star of the night (too bad it wasn't me! hehe, kidding claire)



the sun'll come out tomorrow


after the party and the after party, 2 lost souls wandered in on us in project four, bringing good tidings and bundles of joy (ie chowking food). and as the rest of the world went to sleep, three restless souls drank to love and life (or what they thought it was). the rum was barely there, the coke was sweet, and the conversation never ended. just the way i like it.
i am still amazed at the balance of honest, sensitive comments and alpha-male attitude this morning had. at! infernez... indeed we have grown. and thank the cosmic powers that we grew together even in the most complicated of situations.

starting the sem right...

well, for one thing, i passed 106 :D DOS!!! potahhh, all that frantic studying, stressing out (esp about finally deciding that if i have to cut my losses and split, i'll be shifting) and even the haircut was well worth it. even my CWTS cooperated. incomplete lang ako. bwahahaha gahhhd, i have to make barbero those papers na! i was jumping up and down in my head when i saw my grades. (please murphy, don't let CRS lie to me)i can write my thesis in econ and not extend college after all, i'm not even going to say "if all goes well with 131" because i will make it go well y'know.
even if i only got... 4 subjects on CRS. but what the heck, i'll take what i can get. enrollment's forever been hell anyway. and i do intend to summer some MST shit.

work and org work are picking up as well. busy busy busy.

as for boys, well, what boys!?!?! barnum effect lang katapat nyan!!! wahahaha no it's not physics, it's psych. what's to do but wait and see.

by the way, we all know where the pictures are right (BAWAL ANG TANGA). just check out nov 4 and 5 for the latest.

ndc memorable moments




ndc was... (fill in the blanks ba to?) full of surprises.

of course there were the good things- ie, no unmanageable pressure with my most beloved partner-yang ;) the better things as well- breaking sixth and having a wonderful record (and my partner in the top ten). and of course, the best thing- UPD taking the championship home (in your face pernia, you kick us out, we bring back the championship. *karma deflector*)

but actually, i'm still not in the mood to talk about it, maybe that's why i spent the past hours constructing my ever so wonderful photo collage.

you know, when retail therapy fails (because i am temporarily out of disposable income) and food trip therapy doesn't quite make the cut, all you can do is

wish wish wish

i don't wanna say this but... where are you?

"everything that can go wrong will go wrong"

thanks talaga to murphy.

kahit kahapon pa to, i still wanna share it:

monday morning. start of the week. couch potato-mode on sunday. slept long hours. woke up feeling all light and nice and ready to get down to work (ie i had 3 exams to study for, and no class at all).

got ready, took my sweet long time and finally headed out the door. put water in the car, inserted the keys into the ignition.

but no! ayaw mag start. potahhhhhhhhhhhhh

waited an hour-ish for my dad to fix himself up, heard the usual bullshit and got totally out of sorts.

so far i've bounced back. socio of deviant behaviour wasn't so bad. naka-sagot naman ako this morning, even if i dint know half the sociological shit i had to. keri keri.

ang prob ko nalang ay 106. i can't seem to get how lagrange works. parang sometimes i get it, sometimes i can't solve anything at all. shehehehet. thursday exam. one chapter to go. missing problem set. earth eat DANAO na. (infernez naman to me, the past four days i've been studying were more fruitful than most of the sem in the classroom with a slideshow and a monotonous, deathly boring lecturer/prof).

pseudo-prob is 127. i know it, but i don't. i get the gist, the readings are brilliant, but as for the specifics- well. let's just put it at i have no idea where my notes are. 

i wanted to and drink it off kanina- the stress, the frustration, the disappointment. so hala. drews. sitting there, five-ten minutes into contemplating what to get. guess what sort of people decided to walk in and make their presence felt quite obnoxiously. grepa fratmen!!! and i mean GREPA. icky dirty looking, pa-angas effect ugly little pricks. what's even worse is that their presence more or less dominated the entire small area. 

NDC's just around the corner. waiting to get away.

kitty is such a bitch sometimes. so matrix ran into the house when i came in (matrix is the beagle my dad bought from a relative). nice dog, but real smelly. anyway, kitty is deathly afraid of her. so me and kitty were spending quality time earlier when matrix decided to come a little too close for comfort. kitty panicked. i screamed. kitty dug her sharp little (dirty) nails into my arm and tummy. and even bit my fingers. pain pain pain.

i said i was going to study.

but i just can't concentrate with this negative social ecology around me. i am at my wits end. i feel like exploding. being violent and juvenile. feeling ko talaga i can unleash this lethal force against the next unknowing idiot that pisses me off.

this is very very unhealthy.

wuhhhhhhhhhhhhh murphy!

*oh but can i say, that dude in his sweats was really hot :)) i must admit i underestimated him. hahaha you made my day

want to see what work's all about? 

ahhhlavet. 

first ever major event ko for focus kanina. i feel sooooo fulfilled. for one andami ko talagang natutunan. as in, i can debate ASEAN  and the non-interventionist, consensus building policy , and the thailand  events brilliantly now, i believe *hehe* like, did you know that in order for foreigners (ie researchers/journalists/etc) to be able to access West Papua in Indonesia they have to get a special government permit first?  the people there are the most oppressed minority in Indonesia because the state is attempting to weaken their call for independence. did you know that the mil junta promised to have a constitution for Myanmar by the 12th asean summit to show they make progress in their road map to democracy? that a lot of the drug supplies we have (ie x-tacy) are illicitly traded from singapore? that you can categorize the thai elite into two factions now- the businessmen and friends and colleagues of thaksin, and the rightist pro-monarchs like the military leader Sonti? that there are actually american troops engaged in Mindanao against MNLF/MILF? and that ASEAN turns a blind eye to all of these. after almost 40 years of existence.

i think i can actually fall in love with civil society. hahaha, except i haven't quite reconciled with myself the idea of mobilization in general, and the different gradients of being anti-institutions and structures stance... (not to mention the fact that it's hard to get ultimately filthy rich there.)

and i loooove the way everything turned out to be just right- almost perfect (no sign of murphy anywhere earlier!!!) esp because i helped make it happen. good gahhhd as in super waz na ang hogwarts-ness sa kaka-fax at kakukulit ng kung sino sino over the phone. aaand!!! i liked doing the work while the entire thing happened. haha, mababaw, pero sitting infront of everyone to click on power point presentations was exposure enough for me in a midnight blue glittery top. oh, and it was also exposure to chummy up with all these people from all these groups and gov't (whahaha, DFA director for ASEAN, among other impt people!)  hahaha i liked documentation as well. feeling ko it was bec of that that i was forced to listen and absorb everything said. :D registration was fun tooo... hahaha esp with that cutie in line *LOL* makes me wonder when i'll see him again. he might just be the guy to talk to before everything else takes off hahahaha.

but seriously, i like this feeling of enjoying work. the intellectual stimulation is there, it's not just do-the-clerical-work type of thing that alienates the working class. *LOL* yuhhh duh i can't identify with civil society just yet, i've barely been in it. but you know, i feel the entire thing contributed to my growth as a person. chekka!!! for one, i can ground for myself the relevance of attempting to keep democracy now. and it became clearer to me how "smaller" people outside the institutions of national and international governance can concretely make a change to make the world a better place. (tama na nga, chekka talaga e!)  

at! yes, as evidence of the euphoria i got from work, i ended up making an entire checklist of things i have to accomplish before the sem ends. and i wanted to get started on it earlier this evening. of course, that was before i regressed into a couch potato. (wuhhh, but yes, it even made me say no to going out and drinking at drews, kahit walang pasok bukas)

so today i learned how it feels to love what you do. and what it feels like to have that sense of fulfillment and workaholic-ness spill over to every other unfinished business you have.

if only my acads were like this. but what the fuck, econ na ko no. i'll stick it out till graduation. then i shall figure out what to do with the rest of my life. 

at, can i just say, the real civil society is sooo much more than that which pretends to be it, throwing eggs and mud around! 


happy (DUBI)rthday KENNETH!!!!!!!!!!! it's really not fair, mas matanda nga pala talaga ako saU

wuhhhhhhh hahahahaha weekend was ok. life gets better.

i loooove the feeling of having "fans" around me *yes yes, vain, thank you very much* hahahahahaha i don't feel uncomfortable, oppressed or violated. :)) basta may distance... i.e., U can look but you can’t touch it,
If u touch it I’ma start some drama,
You don’t want no drama,

wuhhhh can i just say, sat. night, saw jewish looking f_ dude.
me- "hey you! who are you with?"
him- "what?! where's e_?"
i'm sorrreeehhh no, i'm not looking for your friend. do i look like i'm looking for him, not enjoying the night with blonde and the rest of debsoc? i don't think sooooo

cheverrrrr

ermingaaaard :))

good looord na-miss ko ata ang LJ, i just type whatever.

making connections with people THAT MATTER. (no, not bitter, i just like dissing myself sometimes) wuhhhh i loooove coffee way, and the way it's so simple and quiet and nice and i end up talking the night away :D

wuhhhhhhhhh i feel so girly-girly. estrogen levels all UPPPPP... had a girly bonding with sam , and then now, sort of, with tet. and earlier on, with jowee and len... and all the purrrdy people in my world

been spending a looooot of time with the girlfriends. <3

i'm wondering when it's all going to come crashing down on me. but i couldn't care less ;)

i had a dream about my dog last night. that i opened my room, and he was sitting on my bed, "he's come back". except i wake up and remember, he's dead. he can't ever come back.

wuhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i miss that little doggie so much. even if he yaps so much and hates kitty.

wuhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i really hope the person who ran him over rots in (doggie) hell.

my friend said, when your pet dies, s/he saved you from something bad.

my karma list must be a very long one then.

bitter and frustrated.

not helped by the fact that sundays are (on normal occassions) family-togetherness days.

wuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i've been trying to pull that krishnamurti shit my philo prof said- when you're in a state of frustration, and you rationalize everything (or attempt to rationalize your feelings) and you feel worse, you should ask yourself: "why?"

and i'm supposed to realize it's all worth nothing to be frustrated with everything else. and then, i'm supposed to be a tad bit calmer.

i've tried.
i'm not calm.
i wanna scream.
jump off the building...

rant about the injustices of the world.

stop!!!!!!!!!

why?

not working. not working.

potaaaaaahhhhhhhhh i wanna retract what i said a couple of days ago. but it doesn't really make sense. and i still mean it anyway.

and it's so stupid. i'm not even supposed to be frustrated, cuz really, i can't find anything substantial to get frustrated over. so maybe that's why i'm frustrated.


wuhhhhhhhhh yes. i should take a break ..

yah don't you think so ? ?????

/add:

infernez, talking and ranting help ;) new pics up- photobucket. check out the esp. new ones under the sept 1 folder

belated and on time birthday greetings! :D


for 30 AUG: sana hindi ka ma-frostbite jan. :P hindi kita nakalimutan!!! migahhhd at mukhang tama ka sa mga prances at sa mga debsoc members. we should talk again soon! i am enjoying my focus work btw ;) jowjowwwww i miss youuuuuuuuuuuu


wahoooo isa ka paaaa! belated happy debut! here's to coming of age with grace under pressure. wahaha di ko alam what i will do without you, esp with all eacom stuf!!! (this is for 1 SEPT)


edit:SEPT2 si CK, sorrehhhh i knew it was last saturday, i dint know the date ;) wahihihihihi mean girls, i looove, especially when they turn TWENTEEN with me!


hoppppyyy burtdei TET! you're the only one i got right. (na malamang ay late na rin, the clock struck midnight after all!) you go niggah :)) lol


yes. delayed birthday greetings.

hallow LJ world. i have been away. busy... and alive...

potahhhh bombshells galore. i'm dealing quite well, thank you very much! infact, better than i expected myself to be :)

i still think this reason is as good as any to learn french ;) it's not that i don't mind,joskolord, next level ka!!! akala ko... (DOT DOT DOT nalang talaga). but at any rate, feeling ko nga, i like this genuine approach to things (disclaimer: statement subject to further revisions, should the need/time arise!) thank you, i felt like a princess. infernez, i still do!*LOL*

at yes. wuhhh the PSE taught me well. :)) so fine, due credit to that too. *cough*bitter*cough* hahahahaha

congrats to my beloved buddies who passed debsoc!!! career na to ha!

i am strangely happy. kahit ganun ang life.

i have the rest of the sem also to figure things out for the rest of my college life.

FYI, i'm dropping 131. moral support and love needed more for next sem, when i retake it.

i'm just random streams of consciousness right now. wuhhh i should rest.

good night LJ world.

*infernez pala, i have just experienced a growing up moment- imagine! i had to make my "professional" email. after all, who would take mail seriously from "dance_in_circles" riiiiight! kaya ayan, in the spirit of seriously working, in FOCUS, meron na din akong "s.gacad". my only reservation is that it's so... uninventive of any sort of personality!

and loving it!

thanks.

-----


/at the end of the day:

isn't this exciting